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| DISHONESTY |
Dishonesty is an issue that parents tend to tackle with far too little regard for the child's point of view. It is surely important, when a child has been dishonest, to get to the facts of what happened and to encourage the child to face up to them. But it is rarely good to probe into the child's motives, and always wrong to push for a confession. After all, it may be nothing more than embarrassment or shame that caused the child to wriggle out of something by means of a half-truth to begin with, and if pressed, he may be so afraid of the consequences that he will tell an outright lie. It is always best to believe in the power of good and to give a child the
benefit of doubt. Forgiveness is necessary dozens of times a day. No
matter
how many times a child gets into trouble, never lose faith in him. To
label
a child as hopeless is to be tempted by despair, and to the extent that
despair is a lack of hope, it is also a lack of love. |
The willingness to be vulnerable is an important part of parenting, too. For my wife and me, few experiences brought us as close to our children as the times we overreacted but then realized it and asked them to forgive us. If nothing else, it reminded us each time that just as we adults depend on the promise of being able to start over every morning, children do too. They should always be given the same chance, no matter how bad the previous day. And no matter what they are going through, they should always feel the assurance that we are ready to stand by them - not hovering over them, but at their side. Obviously, every family has its ups and downs, its trying moments, its embarrassing dramas. There is nothing as emotionally complex as the relationship between a parent and a child. But there is also nothing as beautiful. And that is what we need to hold on to whenever we reach the end of our rope. Johann Cristoph Arnold |
| Extract from "ENDANGERED: Your Child in a Hostile World" by J.C. Arnold. The whole book is available as a free e-book download. Our thanks to Joe Hine for forwarding this article to Project HappyChild. |
| return to the Articles index page |
| Please see also FOCUS, Syndromes and the Project HappyChild Guestbook. |
| Dishonesty - Articles - Creativity - News and Views -
http://www.happychild.org.uk/nvs/cont/articles/dishonesty.htm located in Area 6 at Project HappyChild - linking children all across the world
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